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Shogun Tournament.

Sat Feb 05, 2011 9:52 pm by Zaquri



To lead a Country Requires a certain Grit. Add that to Great Rping skills and you have yourself a Recipe for Kage. At the moment you see no Villages right? Well that's where you guys come in and this Tournament. We need 5 Powerful people to step in as Kage. The tournament is where you will be tested to see if you qualify. The …


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My Book...

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My Book...

Post by Hanako on Sun Jun 14, 2009 6:52 am

Yay, I finally uploaded my book to the interwebs! >_< I'm posting the link, so it might become popular and so you guys could read it. This is only the first chapter so far, but a little further on, you could see why I rated the book as M. O_O So if you're younger than sixteen, that sort of sucks for you, doesn't it? >_< Anyways, here's the link.

(BTW, I don't accept anonymous reviews right now, so if you want to give positive
feedback, I guess that you can post under this topic. ^_^)

The link has been removed.


Last edited by Hanako on Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:15 am; edited 3 times in total
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Re: My Book...

Post by Kirai / Saya on Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:12 am

(im going to pull out the freedom of speech thing... so any negative feedback should be welcomed as well.)
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Re: My Book...

Post by Hanako on Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:17 am

Fine. Go ahead, insult my work if you want...
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Re: My Book...

Post by Micah Inuzuka on Sun Jun 14, 2009 8:09 am

Well, it was really weird. But, it was interesting and detailed. But, at times you just added some super random stuff.
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Re: My Book...

Post by Kirai / Saya on Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:27 am

alright, i'll start with the people in your stories;
Who are they? i dont see a whole like about them, they just seem to be there, a good read should develop more then one of their characters, it gives the fans more.
currently it seems like everyont in the story is only there so you can develop your main.

use of powers;
mermaid means half fish/dolphin and half human.
And Vampire, a person who is said to have far more speed and srenght then a human, and require human blood(or not in some cases) to live
but if i were to quote a line
'I turned to them and turned myself into a fierce, black dragon, blowing fire form my mouth.'
That power just came out of no where, as a person who enjoys reading about the supernatural it was kinda weird to see someone do that.

'My skin is wet, oily, and scaly; it changes colors with my mood'
Kinda like a mood ring? i've never heard of either a mermaid or a vampire doing this.

This of course is just the Details of the story, not the writing part-as i do not have a very good ability in that terms.
So i think you could use abit of work on your details, because sorry to say but this seems very hastily thrown together.
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Re: My Book...

Post by Hanako on Sun Jun 14, 2009 11:18 pm

(Well thank you for criticizing my word badly Kirai!>_< I'll probably edit it more.) I'll get more into it all for the second chapter. When I make the third chapter, I'll delete the link.

My original version was more weird, more detailed, and more confusing. But, I have character sheets to that one.

(But really, you know what's weird? A sparkly vampire who has no fangs and is a 'vegetarian'. O_o)

-Maybe I should delete this topic.-


Last edited by Hanako on Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:16 am; edited 4 times in total
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Re: My Book...

Post by Hanako on Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:00 am

If anyone knows me irl, you know that I'm really random and weird. Plus, a chapter is about 10 paragraphs and the original version only had 6. My other version had way too many details. As for the mermaid-mood changing thing, on the movie 'Aquamarine' (X_X), the mermaid's nails changed colors with her mood. As for the shapeshifting, it's an extra ability to her kind of vampires, like how Bill in 'Dead Until Dark' could levitate while other vampires couldn't. Or, for another example, some of the vampires' abilities in 'Breaking Dawn'. Nyia is the main character. Kamya is her best friend. Jessie is her soon-to-be boyfriend (<--spoiler). I will go more in-dept later on. I created the book before I even read 'Twilight' or 'Dead Until Dark', so it's not a fan fiction of either. (Fallen Angel's character is Kamya...She helped me write some of the original, somewhat. Also, Hashi created...Hashi. But that's way later on.) Also, the original really had no plot, and has over 20 chapters.
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Re: My Book...

Post by Hanako on Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:17 am

I'm redoing the whole chapter and I removed the link.

Purpose: There's nothing to see there and I will never post the link here again. Return to your normal lives.
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Re: My Book...

Post by Hanako on Thu Jun 25, 2009 7:28 am

I have the first and second chapters redone completely. If you would like the link or would like to comment, pm me.
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Re: My Book...

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